Disappointment

If you don't have expectations, you won't be disappointed right?

We all get disappointed, its life. My disappointment is no different. Disappointment comes from "getting our hopes" up, and everyone says if you don't get your hopes up you won't get hurt.

I disagree. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that disappointment is a good thing. It's not. It hurts, it's messy, it might make us cry and pardon my French, but it down right sucks. But that doesn't mean I would give up hoping. Hoping is a risk, but aren't the best things?

Disappointment also comes from caring (and I'm not about to stop doing that either). I read something that really caught my eye:

"Sometimes we expect more from others, because we would be willing to do that for them."

After thinking this over, I realize that's why disappointment really hurts. It makes us realize we would never do the same to the other person, nor has the thought ever/ or would ever even cross our minds. We would do anything in our power to  try and keep that person from hurting, and when they disappoint us; it makes us question how the other person truly feels about us in return.

I'm not feeling sorry for myself, but I'm no stranger to disappointment. And for some reason, I never give up. I keep on trying. And some people may call this weak or even stupid, but in my opinion it's the opposite. I'm strong enough and care enough to put myself out there for disappointment, and with that accept the consequences.

Life's not always a bed of roses, nor do I expect anything from it return. And yes, sometimes it's disappointing, but in the end I would rather be the one that cared too much, than the one who gave up to protect myself. In the end, I'd rather take my chances on the good, than never put myself out there to avoid the disappointing.

Unexpectations

This morning in church the Father said something in his sermon that got me thinking. When we plan, God laughs.

In my experiance this has been the most frusterating thing for someone like me. I make lists, charts and plans. I like to think that if I have all of my ducks in a row everything will go like I have planned and these plans will play themselves out as I have mapped out in my always busy brain. Plans are my safety net.

The kicker? This is furthest from the truth. Looking back, there have been things that have happened completely opposite of my detailed planning.Things that for better or for worse have impacted the course I had imagined myself on.

The kicker part 2? Deviations to your plans always seem to happen when everything is on course and then this something comes out of nowhere and blows them out of the water. On one side of this, if its negative change of plans it can be a whirlwind, but if it is a positive wrench in the system, it makes you wonder. And sometimes you can't define if it's postive or negative.

I think part of it is that plans bring expectations (how your mind plays out the ideal situation.) Expectations aren't a bad thing, but with plans you sometimes go through the motions with your basic expectaions. But, when plans are broken it's unexpectated, with this comes unexpecations (not a word I know but stick with me) that allow us to see and experiance things that may be scary, but at the same time pretty damn amazing and interesting.

Maybe one thing they have told me is right... Always expect the expectations, or in my experiance "hold and tight because you can't plan for the unexpectations"