Instinct and Intellect

It's the typical head vs heart battle, so which one do you follow?

For someone as plan centered and realistic as I consider myself, this is a battle won and lost. Many times I can even talk myself out of emotion or a feeling because it doesn't seem "logical."

But, when it comes to the question of the head vs. the heart vs. our gut which one is right? I mean we always say "use your head" when making a decision, but which is really the deciding factor?

It is always smart [no pun intended] to put your intellect foot forward, to think of possibilities, realities and consequences but if we only listened to our intellect, where would we be. Per usual I read a quote on the subject today and it made me think about my safe bets I've taken, the times I've listened too much to my head. The times I've settled for comfortable or good enough.

"If we listened to our intellect, we'd never have a love. We'd never have a friendship. We'd never go into business, because we'd be cynical. Well, that's nonsense. You've got to jump off cliffs all the time and build your wings on the way down."

It seems like such a basic idea, but we dismiss it more often than not. There's a reason they also say listen to your gut. Your gut is that middle line between your head and your heart, and although we can ignore it, it's always there with us tapping on our shoulder with the truth even if we try and deny it. It's that feeling in our stomachs that tells you "I know your worrying, but this is what you should do." It's the everything-will-be-alright that we can rely on even in the most chaotic situation.

I guess there isn't a straight and narrow answer to the question because it's a group effort. I've mentioned where our head plays a role and our gut. But our heart the most emotional aspect of it all, our heart should always be involved in matters of the head, and we should use our head to help us evaluate  matters of the heart, and trust our gut to let us know our instinctual feelings.

And in the end, our mind can fight us, but an even simpler, truer quote explains it all "follow your heart, even though it's on your left, it's always right."

Disappointment

If you don't have expectations, you won't be disappointed right?

We all get disappointed, its life. My disappointment is no different. Disappointment comes from "getting our hopes" up, and everyone says if you don't get your hopes up you won't get hurt.

I disagree. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that disappointment is a good thing. It's not. It hurts, it's messy, it might make us cry and pardon my French, but it down right sucks. But that doesn't mean I would give up hoping. Hoping is a risk, but aren't the best things?

Disappointment also comes from caring (and I'm not about to stop doing that either). I read something that really caught my eye:

"Sometimes we expect more from others, because we would be willing to do that for them."

After thinking this over, I realize that's why disappointment really hurts. It makes us realize we would never do the same to the other person, nor has the thought ever/ or would ever even cross our minds. We would do anything in our power to  try and keep that person from hurting, and when they disappoint us; it makes us question how the other person truly feels about us in return.

I'm not feeling sorry for myself, but I'm no stranger to disappointment. And for some reason, I never give up. I keep on trying. And some people may call this weak or even stupid, but in my opinion it's the opposite. I'm strong enough and care enough to put myself out there for disappointment, and with that accept the consequences.

Life's not always a bed of roses, nor do I expect anything from it return. And yes, sometimes it's disappointing, but in the end I would rather be the one that cared too much, than the one who gave up to protect myself. In the end, I'd rather take my chances on the good, than never put myself out there to avoid the disappointing.

You Are Here

The presence people have in your life goes beyond a geographic pin on a map.

People live in various places on  others (let me explain). They can live in a geographic location close to you, they live on our tounges when speaking about them, they live in our brains and the most exclusive location, they can have a place in our hearts. Today I received an amazing gift that I'll admit it brought me into happy tears. An anatomical heart necklace with a stamped engraving "you are here."  

It made be start thinking about where people are in my life if I were going to map them out. People can physically be in your life,but although they are there physically, they may not be present to you where it matters most. On the other hand, there are those not geographically next to you, but they have a presence in the most important places. They have your attention and interest and an indelible place in your heart ( no matter how hard you've tried to fight it, resistance is futile).

It's interesting to look at this perspective of where people are in your life. Thinking over where would you pin their "you are here" sign.  It makes you ask yourself the tough questions, and bring clarity to your thoughts. And  I think it also makes people wonder , where others would pin their map locations as well, because in that moment, we realize where we hope it would be.

Excuse my swimsuit top, but this small gesture not only brought the biggest smile to my face but a few happy tears

En Fuego

There are some people you meet and pass and barely remember, "safe people." Then there are those who have a certain fire about them, "the risky bets."

I was always told that I had a fire for things. Whether it's a firey passion for speaking my mind, or the fire behind my motivation to do well for myself.  In the everyday, I feel like it's getting harder and harder to find people with that fire behind their drive. That something that makes their face light up. It takes a lot to not only get, but maintain my attention, and it seems the people who have the ability to do this (men, women, friends, family) also have a fire for something. In one sense they completely intrigue me, and in the other sense they scare the hell out of me.

There's one thing about fire: when used to a beneficial purpose it has the luminosity that you can't take your eyes off of. It's incandescent. You want to get closer to it, get warm, relax and get comfortable with it. On the other hand, they always say don't play with fire, fire can be combustible, explosive. It's a fine balance, and it's not perfect, but it can be worth it.

That's the thing isn't it, the best things around aren't evens Stevens, safe bets. It's making the decision to either play it safe or go for the greater reward and put yourself at risk of getting burned. 

Me? I've made enough safe bets and comfortable decisions in life, work and more that I think it's time that I start getting more comfortable playing with fire. 

Given the choice to be en fuego or lukewarm , I think it's clear which path I prefer.

Freaks and Geeks

Let's be honest we've all got a little freak and geek in us. ( and it was a pretty damn amazing show)

When I was younger I worked hard to cover up my inner freak and geek. I was the girl who would set the curve and the one who the teacher said "can someone answer the question besides lindsay." So I learned to be good at sports and used my sarcastic sense of humor to cover up my love of space and science, my awkward dance moves and silly little quirks. I did everything in my power to even avoid wearing my glasses (let's say I spent at lot of time in the front the class). Then as I grew up and out of my awkward stage I really started coming into my own and really became comfortable with not only myself but all the freak and geek tendencies I posses.

 Today I was sitting in my car snap chatting myself in a batman mask eating my daily chocolate vitamin ( a Reese's of course) and I found myself laughing ... At myself. And then it hit me,  the people who I enjoy spending the most time with are the ones who let my inner geek flag fly and they do the same. They are the quirkiest people, but they do something that I find more valuable than anything: they make me laugh and they get me.  Not just any laugh either I mean the laugh until you cry, stomach hurts the next day kinda laugh. The people who understand my love of  words (I've got a thing for vocabulary), that understand my favorite tee is my NASA cut off, that my karaoke is decent at best but I love doing it ( and they're in the crowd cheering my salt-n-pepa on). My advice to anyone who knows me never underestimate the power of making me laugh and smile.

It's funny how as we grow we change, at one point I would've worked hard to fit a mold, and now I try to do anything but, and the people I appreciate having around me the most are the out of the box people who do the same. Like I said you can deny it but we're all freaks and geeks in some way. 

Sooo... Why not embrace it and let your freak flag fly? 

Bright Pink Lipstick

Six years ago today, and to be honest I try not to remember that day.What I like to remember, all of the reasons that my mom put a smile on a face and still does.

One of the best memories was a tradition that carried on from my childhood until I was 18, the year I lost my mom. I was watching her while she was getting ready to go out and I had had a terrible day. I was maybe 13 years old and the girls at school were making fun of me. Truth be told I was a late bloomer, but my mom always made me feel like I was beautiful, and she said that no matter what happened to never lose my sense of humor and my smile.

Well my mom was a natural beauty, but there was one piece of makeup she always wore, red lipstick. So as I'm sitting there talking with her about my day and she told me to come up by the mirror with her and pulled out bright pink lipstick, and put it on me. I asked why I couldn't wear what she was wearing and she told me "because lindsay lou, you are meant to stand out, and no one should make you feel otherwise."

That night she cancelled her plans, we ordered in pizza and sat in our jammies her with her bright red lipstick and me with my bright pink lipstick and ate ice cream from the carton. We talked, we laughed and we fell asleep in a mini campground we had created in our living room. From then on, we would have our date night when my stepdad was traveling for work.

To this day, I still wear my bright pink lipstick even in the middle of corporate america, because something about it just makes me smile remembering the good things.

Don't get me wrong, I try to always be the strong one about it all and be positive and I have learned to work to make sure that I get one day a year to just let it out. In the end I was there with my mom and saw things I would not wish upon my worst enemy, so it's not always easy to just remember the good, but that doesn't mean I don't try to.

 One thing I do always remember: That my mom loved me with all of her being, and although she didn't win her battle with cancer she fought, and the reason behind her fight was that she always wanted to be there for me.

I think sometimes we all need a reminder and today is mine: There is always something to be thankful for. ALWAYS

Unexpectations

This morning in church the Father said something in his sermon that got me thinking. When we plan, God laughs.

In my experiance this has been the most frusterating thing for someone like me. I make lists, charts and plans. I like to think that if I have all of my ducks in a row everything will go like I have planned and these plans will play themselves out as I have mapped out in my always busy brain. Plans are my safety net.

The kicker? This is furthest from the truth. Looking back, there have been things that have happened completely opposite of my detailed planning.Things that for better or for worse have impacted the course I had imagined myself on.

The kicker part 2? Deviations to your plans always seem to happen when everything is on course and then this something comes out of nowhere and blows them out of the water. On one side of this, if its negative change of plans it can be a whirlwind, but if it is a positive wrench in the system, it makes you wonder. And sometimes you can't define if it's postive or negative.

I think part of it is that plans bring expectations (how your mind plays out the ideal situation.) Expectations aren't a bad thing, but with plans you sometimes go through the motions with your basic expectaions. But, when plans are broken it's unexpectated, with this comes unexpecations (not a word I know but stick with me) that allow us to see and experiance things that may be scary, but at the same time pretty damn amazing and interesting.

Maybe one thing they have told me is right... Always expect the expectations, or in my experiance "hold and tight because you can't plan for the unexpectations"

Everything Happens For a Reason

I've never liked this phrase...NEVER

In fact, I have despised it. When my Mom passed everyone told me that everything happens for a reason, and to be completely honest I wanted to say BS to every single one of them. I will never understand the reasoning behind that.

But in the past month I have learned that maybe this statement does hold true to a point. But instead of everything happening for a reason, I think its: EVERYTHING SERVES A PURPOSE

 Maybe sometimes you just have to have a little faith that there is a purpose behind what's happening in your life, and looking back on my recent job experience I believe this did happen for a reason.

After working for five years in the marketing field, I begin life back in the corporate office next week (and couldn't be more excited).  This job is exactly what I was looking for, somewhere where we were growing a business and busting our asses to do it. I like having skin in the game and personal relationship to the businesses I market. It pushed me that much harder. But getting to this point taught me more than I realized.

In early July I moved from my previous marketing specialist position into a consulting position. It was a big step in my career, and it took me a few days (and glasses of wine) to catch my bearings again. I had always taken care of myself and worked hard to ensure I could, so this was me putting everything out there, and to be honest taking a large, life-changing risk.
 

Over the next few weeks I was experiencing an uncertainty as a marketing specialist I had not before. I was use to knowing to be at the office at 7:00 and leaving at 4:00, and knowing I would be there every day. And through all the uncertainty I was happy. Why? Because although it was scary, it was a chance for me to push myself out of my comfort zone and see what I could really do. Even more importantly it made me take a step back and look at all of the great people I have in my life and appreciate each and every one of them for their unique beings.

Everything has a purpose, the hardest part is waiting to discover the purpose and make sense of it all. And most of the time, the only way to do it is through hindsight.

I mean it is 20/20

Photo Credit: http://www.deviantart.com/art/Purpose-320078457